The Damnation & Salvation of a God
by Zilander Kat
Summary: 'Can you even hear the bells, Light' Featuring Light's death and journey through his own personal hell, Mu. L's spirit hints at redemption for this self-proclaimed God, but can Light truly be forgiven? L/Light. COMPLETED, including bonus chapter...
1. Chapter 1: Save Yourself

**A/N: **So another story begins, I was inspired by a whole bunch of songs that I recommend to all of you! (They will be the chapter titles but the band will be there too, so look 'em up if you feel inspired.) I already have quite a bit of this written, as the chapters are incredibly tiny... Read & Review, brownies with rainbow chocolate chips will be offered for kind reviewers! ^_^

**_Disclaimer: _I do not own Death Note. **Not even in my wildest dreams (cause in my wildest dreams L and Light are having sweet lovings and I'm too busy drooling to even fathom owning that awesomeness)

**I also do not own the songs that I have been inspired by, or the small amount of lyrics/paraphrasing that I have included! **Although that would be pretty cool, cause at least then I'd own something-but sadly, I do not.

Well I do own this sweet Manga book "How to Read" So I guess I almost-sorta own something Death Note? (...okay yeah, so maybe _that _doesn't count, _but _I do own this plot! muhahah!)

_Read & Review darlings!_

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**The Damnation & Salvation of a God**

_**Chapter One - Save Yourself**_

_-Stabbing Westward_-

The boy lay on the stairs, watching the light coming in through a dirty window in this dusty old warehouse. It was his death place; no death bed was here to comfort him, nor anyone to hear his last confessions, only these cold stairs and the puddles of blood surrounding him.

It was laughable that this self-proclaimed God, this well-loved boy, this OCD-neat freak would die in a hell-hole such as this warehouse. Light shuddered and smoothed his hair down with a semi-clean hand.

The blood pouring from his body was warm, the stairs freezing but the body Light resided in could barely detect either of these temperatures...

He knew he was close, _it was time._

Looking up he saw a strange sight before him; a dark silhouette stood behind the beam of heaven pouring into the otherwise empty room. _An angel for Kira? _The shadowy figure stepped forward, and the sight was more shocking than any angel ever could be.

It was _L_, and L was about as much of an angel as that brat Mello had been.

"Why are you here, L?" the words came out in a whisper, his usual honey-like voice failing him. L watched the boy with dark eyes, pity in his stare. Kira scoffed at the look.

"Don't you _dare _pity me, L." L smiled a bit, a smile that spoke volumes about how little Kira knew.

"I don't pity _you,_ Kira. I pity the boy you consumed, the Light-kun I used to see. But he's not here anymore, is he?" L shook his head, answering his own question.

"No, Light-kun appears to have gone." L looked sad at this realization. Tears formed in his bottomless black eyes, but they didn't fall.

"Can you even hear the bells, Light?" The 'kun' finally forgotten, Light smiled and leaned his head back. He closed his eyes and listened, faintly the sound of a large bell ringing could be heard, slowly followed by the jingling of smaller ones.

"Yes, I hear them." he breathed lightly, so that he could continue to hear the chiming grow louder. L's head snapped up to look at the seemingly-innocent face of Yagami Light, a small smile was present on the lips of the cold-blooded murderer.

"You can?" L licked his lips nervously, waiting for a reply. Light's eyes opened up drowsily, his response almost lazy.

"Of _course _I can hear them. I may be dying but I'm not deaf-ha, _yet_." L smiled at the boy's morbid humour. He had missed this, missed this banter and the sight of Light's smile, his _real _smile.

"I missed you, L." Light whispered out, his words surprising both L and himself. L nodded in response.

"Well, that was to be expected. All you had for company was an apple-loving Shinigami and-" L shuddered lightly at his next words "-that screechy fangirl _Misa-Misa_." Light laughed again, but held his side as he did so; his blood was starting to turn cold.

"It wasn't just because of _that_. _I missed_ _you, _not just your intelligent conversations or capable mind. I missed _you._" Light stopped talking, suddenly realizing how much he was revealing, how _weak _he sounded.

"Is there a reason you stopped by, L? Or is this just for old times' sake?" Light's voice was growing weaker but it held a bit of contempt in its depths, contempt only L could read.

"Light, I cannot save you. I couldn't even save myself. But there is still time for you. You-you can still save yourself." The words were spoken in a strange half-rush, an infamous thumb rising to L's soft, pink lips as he finished. Light watched the strange man before him; obviously he was a hallucination, but..._what if he was real-_and more importantly_-telling the truth?_ Light nodded a bit, L wouldn't lie about something like this, would he?

A dark voice, red eyes and a hunger that could never be sated spoke up within Light; _'Of course he would, Light. He's lied about everything else, hasn't he? Lied about it all, even lied about catching you. He let you be taken by a less than worthy opponent and now you're just going to trust him? Trust _L_?' _Light tried to shake off the words, tried desperately to stop hearing them spoken. But he had been telling L the truth earlier. He was not _yet _deaf. Not to the voices, within or without. Gritting his teeth, he looked up into L's eyes for a way to read them, to see if he was telling the truth.

It was getting hard to see though, his eyes were growing heavier.

L stepped forward, sitting down gently beside the dying God. One pale hand coming up to smooth down Light's hair in a fashion that Light would prefer.

"Thank you." Light said absentmindedly, deciding to take a leap of faith.

"How do I save myself, L? How is that even possible?" the words were coming out softer, but L could hear them perfectly.

"You trust me, Light. Trust is the first step, and then the rest will come as we go along."

The voice within screamed with anger, _'This is preposterous! He's lying, deceiving- he just wants to make a fool of you, just wants to trick you before you finally leave his grasp. Don't give in Light, stay here. I've been with you all this time, stay here Light. You must fight him!' _

The anger in that voice gave Light a bit more time to live, the will was strong, but with this strength a toxin, with this will came hatred.

"Why should _I _trust _you_, L?" The voice was harsh and brutal, the words were spat up at L and the older man could feel Kira in its inflection.

"Because Light-kun you know me, you know that we are equals and not even _I_ would lie about-all of this." His hand fluttered a bit at his final words, before coming down to smooth out Light's bloodied clothing.

"I know that you're just as damaged as I am, with Kira lurking inside your very soul. I can see him, even now Light. I know you can fight him, but it's all up to you. I just need you to try to trust me. But _can_ you trust me, Light?" Light sighed a bit and felt his final breathes approaching.

On _another note_ he could practically hear Ryuk in his head, _laughing_ as he fulfilled his first promise to Light-_to Kira_.

A hand came up to cup the young boys face, black eyes met amber as a sudden rush of pain erupted in Light's chest.

"Do you trust me, Light?" Then soft lips claimed his for a full second, the pain in Light's chest growing drastically.

"_L_. I..."

Finally the last of the light died from Light's eyes, his body being held tightly by the deceased raven-detective.

The words slipping from his lips; his final confession spoken on his laughable death bed to his one and only friend.

"I-I do."

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**A/N:** Soooo....What did ya think? I am hoping you all know the song, it was a pretty popular one. I had it playing the entire time I wrote it because it felt right and if you notice I use some of the lyrics from the song. I love how inspiring music can truly be. Plus that was pretty fluffy right there for LxLight times. I tried my bestest to capture the true characters, especially the whole Light/Kira bit going on (although I gave Kira more of a seperate voice) :)

Love it or hate it? I'd love some feedback! What'd ya think of the first song and chapter?

If I get some feedback sooner rather than later I shall post the next chapter within the week!

(I'll probably post anyway cause I hate those pesky author threats, but please just take a minute-_or 5, lol_- to tell me what you thought)

_Cheers,_  
Zilander Kat

:hearts:


	2. Chapter 2: Frozen

_**A/N: **_Well, here's chapter two. Thanks to _fluffy09 _for the review-Shall I dedicate this next chapter to you for being my one and only reviewer? :) Hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or Madonna **lol, though that'd be pretty interesting...I'd 'pull an L' on her and cuff her to me! =O scandalous, oh dear...I hope Madonna's not on fanfic... o.O

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_**Chapter Two - Frozen**_

-_Madonna_-

The world grew silent, there was no nation of mourners as Kira took his final breath. But in the moment of _Light's_ death, many mourners could be found...

_A crushed detective lay on the ground, holding out his corrupted hands; the hands that had finished Kira. A group of men standing around the fallen cop, looking lost and watching their comrade and his silent break down. All of these detectives would mourn the loss of a friend, while celebrating the death of a terrorist. _

_A white-haired boy would sit, holding the real tool of death in his robotic hands, his heart still healing from the loss of so many people; Mello, Matt, Wammy, __L __and maybe even this naive boy, who killed so many in the name of 'justice.' Never would he taste real justice on his tongue and Near pitied Yagami Light for that. _

_A Shinigami would be watching the warehouse, a small grin on his face as he recalled all of the times he had shared with the young killer, an almost apologetic tinge in his fish-eyes. A silent goodbye as he flew away from the human that showed him so much fun. _

_A young woman would sit numbly on a train, her life in shambles-the love of her life dead and his body buried far from her. Misa's smile would never grace her pretty face again, her loyal heart broken for the rest of her life, which would be quite short. __Her arms would open wide to the sky once she reached the top of that building, the one that overlooked the rest of the city. The sun glowing so prettily, but another Lightless day would not be allowed to go by for the young model. She'd end her life whispering his name, her mind focussed on reaching the boy but only ever reaching the nothingness state of Mu._

_A young girl; scarred emotionally and physically from her time held as a captive by the mafia, would be sobbing when she finally learned of Light's tragic truth and tragic death. She would curse the name of Kira but would lie holding one of Light's pillows in his rarely used room. Never would she see her brothers smiling face, hear his voice or see the proud glint in his eyes as she told him about her success in school._

_A mother's heart would be broken, yet again, just another heart ruined by the poison that is Kira. Her husband's stress from all of those years, and her daughter's inescapable trauma to be blamed upon her own son; her first born, her own flesh and blood working against itself. It would drive this woman to an early grave to join her husband and leave her only living child entirely alone on this earth._

_Groups of followers from school and the police force, those who would never learn of Light's alter ego would cry and sigh over the loss of such a brilliant mind and positive child. They would speak of his potential, of all of his success and his future plans. Never really knowing more than just one of his many personas, but mourning all that they _had _known._

But Light was numb to all of these people, in heaven his father was probably watching with shame and tears in his eyes.

But he didn't care.

He was frozen to this, to all of the tears.

Except those of L's; the ones that had refused to fall until his very last breath.

He could feel them on his cheeks as L leaned towards him, his lips brushing against his own.

_'How could I have never known?' _

Images flashed, attacking at the ice built around his heart.

_L laughing, eating a large piece of cake, screaming at him, kicking him, adding endless cubes of sugar to his coffee and tea, standing in the rain, dragging him along the hallway, watching him as he slept, bending over to massage his feet, locking him up, interrogating him again and again and again. L dying in his arms, his eyes holding secrets and screaming betrayal in his final moments-the spoon falling from his strange grasp, his heart beating for a final time, before-_

_"Damn you, L! Why didn't you ever tell me?"_ Light screamed at the nothingness around him; all black and white at once-he felt so colourblind in the void of this world, _his world. _The nothingness already eating at him, slowly.

All that time and he had never known, could never even fathom.

_'Why didn't L ever tell me? God, I killed him and he still came for me.' _

Light felt a strange feeling in his body, the body he knew he no longer had, but he could still feel something in himself.

It was warmth, it was calming and exhilarating all at once. _His lips, _they had felt so warm, the tears so real. The pain had already faded away and all that had been left was the taste of L, he was sweet and bitter; the taste of regret and redemption combined.

"_How didn't I know, L? How, why?" _

Months passed, decades, centuries-or maybe just moments, mere minutes.

Light felt nothing; not even the passing of time-so it was impossible to tell. His only company were his thoughts; he reviewed it all, the memories of Kira no longer tasting like blood.

The voice of Kira was also gone, and Light could finally see his own insanity, the notebook had eaten at his soul and had corrupted him to the very deepest parts.

Only _now_ could he see the tendrils that had held him captive to the murder note, only in this place of_ nothingness_ could he mourn the loss of his own purity.

All thoughts always turned back to those of L and he found himself wishing for the other with such strange intensity it both hurt and scared Light.

He found many of his memories lacking, a haziness that seemed to surround him was starting to win.

Slowly, Light Yagami was becoming one with the frozen nothingness.

He recalled the way L's lips felt on his own, he could still taste the potential for redemption there.

He could still recall the way L's eyes had look in his final day of life. The human look he had, the openness he had acquired as he stared hard at Light, and he seemed to know that this was his final chance to speak openly with the tainted boy. He had spoken about the bells that Light had heard upon his own death, but he seemed like he wanted to say so much more, only he did not.

In Light's final time of reviewing the memory it changed slightly; this time on the way back inside L had stopped Light by grabbing at his arm, and had spoken all the words that he had always seemed to want to say to Light.

"_Light-kun, you're broken-You're so ignorant, naive, but worst of all _you're frozen_. You waste your time with pain and death and I know someday you'll come to regret this all. I just wish that I didn't have to lose you, not like this." _Then L turned and walked away, marching off towards his death.

This time though, Light had stopped the detective, had prevented him from going back outside. Grabbing L's arm and pulling him to face the truth they both knew already-but needed to hear out loud. The confession was heavy on his lips, the warmth back in his chest although the frozen rain repeated to pelt down upon him.

"No, don't do it L. I-I can't watch you die again. I-you're my only friend. The only one who has ever been able to get through to me, in all of my years of living and dying. I've never found someone like you, and..._I need you. _So don't go, because I can't stand to kill you again."

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**Post-Story A/N: **Okay, sooo there was chapter two. Now, I know it seems all touchy-feely and OOC-but Light was such a sweetie when he was without Kira, so just look at it that way...and his little sociopathic shield of ice is finally beginning to melt here in Mu.

I'd ask you what you thought, but –sniff- I know no one would review and tell me (_did the guilt trip work right there, or what?) _

_Love it or hate it? I'd love the feedback._

Three will be up just a bit after this one.

_Cheers,  
_Zilander Kat


	3. Chapter 3: Nobody's Listening

**A/N: **_Thanks to my reviewers, who have given this fic a chance!_ :) _Lyra of the Fallen; _Thanks, I hope that you enjoy the rest of it and continue to let me know how I am doing! x_Lawli-Popx; _Thank you for your kind review-lol, yeah reviews were looking a little lonely-so thanks for the feedback-hope you like this chapter! _fluffy09; _thanks once more for your first review of the story ever!

**Disclaimer: **I pretty much own **nothing. **I don't own Death Note or Linkin Park (But I adore them both!) and I make no money whilst writing this fic.

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_**Chapter Three - Nobody's Listening**_

-_Linkin Park_-

With the confession still hot on his lips, Light pressed forward, leaning towards the warm body that he held onto with a death grip. The figure of L faded quickly along with the altered memory-a grim smile on his lips, a spidery hand coming up to press lightly on the ex-God's chest. The responding words _'I need you, too.' _left hanging in the air and echoing dimly in Light's mind.

Before Light could get another word out to the raven, he began to feel...strange, _real._

The ice that surrounded Light had melted under L's touch; the fire that had been Kira long since extinguished at death by the raven man's tears. Light finally felt all of the pain, all of the fear and despair. The sociopath that had once been was no more, and now he felt all the agony any normal person's soul would have felt...

"_ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!"_ The scream tore through Light, the pressure building with no signs of relief.

_His hands covered in blood. _

_Faceless victims surrounding him, screaming at him; pain and guilt, fear and shame, all of these things felt and heard-surrounding, suffocating. _

"No, make it stop! I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Oh God, I'm so sorry."_ But the voices just grew louder, more insistent._

_They didn't care, they were still dead. _

_Apologies spoken from dead lips to fall upon dead ears are_ useless;_ nobody's listening. These souls would never rest properly. __Misery Loves Company and these were the miserable dead. _

"_Kira! Kira! Killer! KILLER! THE MAN WHO WOULD BE GOD! Kira! KIIRRRRAA!" _

_The voices surrounding him further, taunting him, the blood black on his tongue. __No longer could he taste L's lips on his own, the raven-haired detectives breath vacant now. In its place was the taste of blood, sweat and tears._

_There was nothing to gain here; no one could hear him, the louder he spoke the louder the voices were._

"_NOBODY'S LISTENING KIRA! KILLER! LIGHT YAGAMI, YOU KILLED US! YOU DESTROYED MY HEART! Nobody's listening, KILLER!" _

_Light attempted to flee, the voices driving him to insanity. _

"_Where can you go?! How can you possibly ignore us?! KIRA, WE ARE EVERYWHERE!" _

"_JOIN US, GOD! It's time to dig the graves, to taste the blood you have spilled. We can taste it, you have passed judgement and now it is our turn!" _

_The memories of his life before Kira were there, but they too were fading, his time of innocence with L-all of them leaving him, he gripped them but his hands were too slippery with the blood of the innocent _and the guilty.

"No! I'm Sorry! _L_ please! I'm sorry, dammit!"

_Tears flowing down his beautiful cheeks, hands coming out to stroke at them. __Only these fingers were grimy; dirty with grave dirt and covered in dried blood of the innocents they had destroyed in their times of living, they reached out and stole at Light's face. They were _not_ L's, they belonged to these restless souls. __Whispers sounding in his ears. _

_"Nobody's listening, killer-no one, _except us_." Cruel laughter like Light had never heard before, the sound of every killer, rapist, paedophile and thief he had ever killed ringing in his ears. _

There was no innocence here, only the guilty were housed with Light.

"Please, please no. Please stop!"_ Light begged the faceless victims; he struggled to escape the groping hands. But they were everywhere; Light's solace of silence had turned into a sea of arms and grasping fingers._

"_Never will we taste the glory of redemption." _

"_Never to repent our sins Kira. You got to taste it, we watched the boy give you that and we want that taste too, killer." _

"_Yes, killer, share it with us." _

_"GIVE IT TO US!" _

_Light screamed and tried to turn away from the embrace of death at every pair of hands. __They all offered him a place to give up another piece of the peace he had finally found. _

"_Give it to us, Kira. You who thought to pass judgement; you will share it with us." _

_And with these final words whispered to Light, he felt all of those pieces being taken from him. __No longer could he feel the warmth, no longer could he feel the redemption, the sound of bells was distant in his ears, the feel of lips was turning into the ghost of dream._

"_No,_ L." T_he struggle was no longer being fought in a perceivable way. _

Light fought for his soul; for his sanity for his peace, for his memories, for the warmth that L had given him.

Finally_ he had felt peace, found his happiness, then his near-redemption was taken away. _

_Slowly though, the hands left him. The arms faded away; the grime and crime of the souls was leaving him. __In each perverse soul, a piece of Light; the killer who had stolen so much more than just their lives. __They had stolen from him now; taken his peace of mind, his peaceful soul was no more. _

_They had wrenched away all that Light had been building up so steadily in his nothingness realm._

_They all departed slowly, hands brushing lightly on his tear-stained cheeks. __Final whispers shouted into oblivion, hungry mouths no longer felt, all departing, pulling away._

_Until it was just Light and the surrounding area around him; no longer a void but a bright white, there was no darkness in the place he was in._

_But there was now a heavy darkness within the soul of Yagami Light..._

One that he finally had to face.

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_**A/N:** While writing this I imagined scenes from that movie __Pulse_, you know? With all of those hands and arms reaching up and grabbing at that chick...just fields and fields of groping arms and pale fingers, only with Light at the centre of them all, having bits of his hard-found peace wrenched away painfully from his still-healing soul. 

So, I have come to realize that I am pretty much going through every sort of fan-fiction I can think of...I mean, I got all different kinds of stories going (not all of them have been posted) next it'll be a full length Self-Insert, lol (JOKING, I SWEAR!)

Er, this should still be rated T-right? It wasn't bad enough to up the rating, what do you think?

Tell me what you think, please? Make it brutal even. I semi-welcome the flames! But don't hate on me _too much,_ eh? I'm just getting all of my stuff up and having a good time.

Yay! Pieces of Light's soul and comfort for those who review, bahahah!

_Cheers,  
_Zilander Kat


	4. Chapter 4: Wandering Star

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or Portishead, nor do I make any money from this writing.**_

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_**Wandering Star**_

_-Portishead-_

The blinding white of the void he inhabited caused his eyes to shut tightly, the grief coming up in great waves of incredible darkness from within. He collapsed as he realized the sudden stark white after the never-ending abyss-black was too much for his already overstimulated mind; the void seeming to spin and if Light had a real body he might have thrown up.

'_The blackness of darkness, forever.' _Dark thoughts swam through Light's mind chaotically, completely consuming his thoughts so that he was unawares of the _new_ crowd that had begun to surround him. This time though, their hands were clean, their faces seen clearly. Light's own dirty body and soul seeming to taint the very air.

'_It took me so long to shed my grief, to find what L was talking about...And now to have my only solace stolen away and then be taunted, so cruelly.' _He complained softly in his head, mourning the loss of so many things. The soft voices around him listening to his thoughts as he lay on his side; comatose and uncaring. Many of the new visitors scoffing at the self-piteous tone Light's thoughts had taken on. Light jumped at the lone voice that greeted him, ruining his attempts to simply fade away into his failing mind.

"Killer, do you really expect so much sympathy and mercy from the people you destroyed, with a simple flick of the wrist?" The soft voice asked, filled with scorn and a hint of disgust. Dark eyes and a pretty face-watching him. Light knew this woman; she wore a plain outfit of all white, and next to her was a man. A man he had _killed_, a man whom _he had smiled at _as the doors had slid shut...

"No!" Light's breath hitched as he realized that his parade of victims was _never ending._ The truly innocent, the ones he had _known_ were truly innocent were now here to make him suffer.

"_For whom it is reserved, the punishment. For whom it is deserved, the relief." _The words came from the man's mouth, he looked at Light with pity filled eyes. Raye Penber and Naomi Misora, just _two_ of the innocents_ he had killed. _

The parade was larger than Light had realized; the wrongly convicted criminals, the ones who had repented their ways long before Kira had destroyed them, and all the people who had gotten in Kira's way; innocent FBI members, justice seekers all stood silent and watching, some with pity some with scorn.

Light knelt in front of this crowd, his position elevated and beneath this growing group. They were all around him, but they did not surge forward to collect what they sought, they waited; eyes watching, silent and _expecting_.

No longer did the mask of the monster protect Light from the guilt he felt. The two victims that stood closest to him, holding hands were watching him with a similar light of expectation. They were shepherding these wandering souls, leading them to their killer, Kira. _But what did they want?_

"I'm sorry." The inadequate words fell out of Light's mouth, his eyes screwing shut as he waited for the first blow to come, the first finger to grasp at his dirty skin-but, it never came. Opening his eyes he looked to the two leaders of the group, again the words of Raye Penber were repeated.

"_For whom it is reserved, the punishment. For whom it is deserved, the relief." _

The rest of the group took up the words. They spoke as one, the victims grouping together to fight against their mutual murderer:

"_For whom it is reserved, the __**punishment.**__ For whom it is deserved, the __**relief**__. _For whom it is reserved, the **punishment**. For whom it is deserved, the relief. For whom it is reserved, the punishment. For whom it is deserved, the relief. **For whom it is reserved**, the punishment. _**For whom it is deserved, the relief..." **_

Light brought his hands up to attempt to block out the voices as they grew too intense, his guilt was building up again and he felt sick. All of these lives, he had _stolen _all of these lives. It felt like every other bit of punishment in Mu_-unending. _There were no breaks in this portion of hell; he was stuck in a timeless prison, awaiting the end of a sentence that would never end.

"I said I'm sorry!" He yelled into the crowd. His eyes filling again with tears-he had destroyed so many. No way could he make amends, there was simply _no way. _The voices continued to grow, the words overlapping and becoming a continuous chant that surged through his very essence-there was no escape from the words, or the wandering souls that spoke them.

"_For whom it is reserved, the __punishment. __For whom it is deserved, the relief. For __**whom it is reserved**__, the punishment. For whom it is deserved, the relief. _For whom it is reserved, the punishment. For whom it is deserved, the relief. _For__ whom it is reserved, the punishment. For whom it is deserved, the relief. __**For whom it is reserved, the punishment. **__For whom it is _deserved, _the relief. For whom it is reserved, the punishment. For __**whom**__ it is deserved, the relief..." _

His control broke now, this was somehow _worse _then when the other souls had come and raped him; taken all of the peace he had collected. It was still there, within him. Light doubled up inside and out, the grief was _still there_, in full force _and the guilt._ No soul could suffer like his had and _not _buckle under the pressure-but it was deserved, this punishment-no relief was even remotely deserved on Light's behalf.

The voices finally became one great and powerful voice, joining together in a final chant of the words that were driving him over the edge and beyond. A single entity of many, coming together to punish the one who had killed them all-unjust, unfair and undeserved.

"_**For whom it is reserved, the punishment. For whom it is deserved, the relief!" **_

Silence rung out thick in the air as the words finally ended, the young boy's breaths came in heavy pants. The ringing in his head, the grief in his heart was still there-these innocent souls coming so close to breaking him completely. He waited for the final blow-the killing blow, and finally _then_ he could rest in oblivion-but still, it never came.

Soft footsteps approached Light and he felt himself being held; but the arms were holding him _protectively, _rather than possessively. Looking up Light found himself staring into the bright, blue eyes of Watari-_another_ victim of his, the one he regretted killing the _second most_ in his long list of murders.

"Yagami-kun, you aren't listening to them. Open up, you know what they want-what they _deserve. _You must share our grief, it shackles us here-_to you,_ and to this empty place." Light thought for a moment-pushing aside his own emotions and then he spoke the words that they had all been repeating to him, nodding his head slowly, as he spoke them out loud.

"For whom it is reserved, the punishment. For whom it is deserved, the relief." His very being felt like crumbling as he finally understood what he had to do...H_e had to take the brunt of the pain and give out peace to those who deserved it. _The peace he felt, it _wasn't _for him, but rather for his countless victims.

_"I-I can do that." _Another surge of warmth came through Light; a feeling he thought had been lost with the attack from before. He brought his arms up to the old man's and grasped them for a moment before standing up. Closing his eyes he recalled the peace again;_ the bells ringing loudly in his ears, the taste of heaven from L's lips, strong in his mind, the warmth of L's tears sliding down his cheeks as he died, the feeling of redemption and happiness floating in his chest._ He brought it to the surface of his being and brought up a tainted, shimmering arm to the head of the man before him. He brushed his fingers lightly against the man's forehead, the feeling travelling along his arm and down through his fingertips till they were let go into Watari's body, leaving his dirty hand a bit cleaner-his soul, a bit lighter.

The man smiled fondly at Light, his body slowly fading as the rest of the crowd slowly approached the ex-God. Each wishing for the peace that had been kept from them for so long. Light could feel each soul taking another bit of his peace, but this time he _let_ it go_._ He gave up his peace to these victims, the ones he had truly wronged. He felt his grief lessening, his tainted skin being cleansed, as if each soul took away their share of this as they took a piece of his happiness away.

At the end of the long line of victims, he was left with the couple who had herded these wandering souls here in the first place. Raye leaned forward first and Light gave him what he _deserved,_ apologizing again to him and his fiancé. Misora smiled lightly at the ex-God, his mask finally off, she saw the true potential there.

"You remind me of someone, Light Yagami...someone I used to know long ago." Light smiled an empty smile and nodded tiredly at the woman, then he offered up the last piece of himself. The grief no longer there and exhaustion ready to take him over entirely. As she faded away, and his _-now hollow-_ world started to blacken once more, he heard her speak out again.

"When you see _him_ again, tell him I said hello."

* * *

Well, gagh! Give some honest feedback, eh loveys?

_Thanks to my reviewers; _

_Vampgurl2266-_Sorry I didn't get back to you last chapter-lol, I'm feeling the pressure, I'm really a horrible person when it comes to updating (and I usually _hate _authors who never update-pshhh I fail) but yeah, I suppose this is the fic that I'm working on updating right now...I have a few other stories that really, _really _need to be worked on...but I'll get to them soon, lol.. anyway...Thanks for your reviews, glad you're enjoying the story!

_IceCreamPrincess-_lol, thanks for your kind words-and I'm glad to know you're enjoying the song selections and can picture the story so well (your review made my day ^^)

_zchocolatebunniesrulezworld_- lol, nice name! Baha, did you enjoy your little bit o'Light soul? I keep mine in a pretty case on my dresser, ;)...ha, I know-reviewing is half the fun of reading fanfiction (well, I like it..) ***hands over another piece of Light's soul* **(_For your time, kind chocolatebunny!) _Hope you like this chapter, Idk if it's a bit rushed...but time is strange in Mu I'd imagine, and screwing left and right with Lighty-Loo is just fun to me (it's a never-ending line up of people on the hunt for more Light soul and happiness, what could happen next?!)

And L will be back, he _has to come back! _But yes, for now that's probably one of the worst parts for him..As for his memories, yes and no-they sort of raped the memories out of him last chapter...but this time, it was more of him letting it go on purpose, to face up to what he has done and in that way he got to keep the good feelings...somewhat. Well, that confused me a bit (and I'm writing the bloody fic) apologies for that horrible response. I hope it makes more sense as the story goes along? Ha, hopefully.. :D

Btw, love being twisted ;) I just wish I could have gotten some more gore in, but Light's never really been super gory, he just writes down names and hearts explode here and there...psh, I'm hoping getting your soul raped of all happiness whilst forgetting the only one who ever truly knew and loved you is good enough for our little ex-Kira! :)

Goodness gracious, apologies for the response length of your review (please don't let it discourage you from writing another, haha)

_Dragonist-_ ***hands over piece of soul* **:) enjoy!

_MattTheGamer- _Mmm, Mattt....*drools* Mmmm Matt/Mello ***uber drools*** -Err, sorry. You don't want your piece of Light soul? Whaa?? Hmm, I guess I could always try and give it back to the little demon..you're far too nice, good gamer! Btw- _I updated, just like you asked, father _;) lol

_--_

_Cheers,  
_Zilander Kat


	5. Chapter 5: Grey Machine

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or Grey Machine (Pinback), I also make no money by writing this fic.**_

_Sorry for not updating in forev's, would it make you feel better if I said I've been feeling worse than Light-kun has? Lol, I'm so pumped to update my stories though! Enjoy & please review!_

_Ohh, btw - I find that this one was really good to listen to while reading, (well I've been doing that for each chappy) but I adore this song...it has the best sound for the feelings I'm trying to get across._

* * *

_**Grey Machine**_

-_Pinback_-

Light sat in a familiar chair, on his left wrist, a ghosting feeling. The feel of being chained was liberating, but not real here. Looking around, he turned towards the computer before him. It was off and the black reflected his face, _Kiraless_ and without any sort of mask.

He felt vulnerable but so _free. _

_No more lies...lies...no longer blinded by the lies._

_No longer blind, no longer blind, no longer blinded...Out of reach, out of touch, free of the evil of Kira..._

_Out of teeth, out of time, out of life...no longer blinded and held captive by the Killer Within. _

_No longer blind...blind to the feelings, blind to the pain and the hurt..._

_No longer blind to the victims screams, to the their torments...no longer blinded. _

_No longer blind to L... _

Light rose from his seat, the chair rolling back gently. The final sitting place of L. He found headquarters to be completely empty, but it was raining. Nature's way of cleaning, cleansing and creating harmony.

_Washing away the filth and grime_. All the things that cover truth and beauty.

He made his way to the roof, knowing that was where he would find answers. He stood in the elevator, his heart thumping painfully, he raced up stairs, making his way to the roof. It smelled clean as he walked out the door, his senses clearing and his heart hurting.

Light walked to the edge of the balcony, looking around in the storm for the sight of the raven detective.

He wasn't here.

_L's not here, he's _not _here._

Light stood watching the city beneath him; he could almost see himself in the buildings that rushed out away from him, reflected in the sky.

"L, where are you? I trusted you. I-I let go, so _where are you?_" His voice came out soft, but the last of his words was barely a whisper.

"Please. I _need_ you."

Turning to lean back against the balcony edge, Light felt himself falling down.

_Out of thought, out of time, out of life_.

No L. There was no L here.

Lightening struck somewhere, making the sky light up, but Light could barely see it. He had been so blind, _so_ blinded by the lies, by the lies that lived inside his own twisted heart...that had been exorcized so painfully, and for what?

_Where are you?_

So Blind-_FLASH_-Blind-_FLASH_-Blind-_FLASH_-Blinded

"Never deserved you, _never_ deserved redemption..."

His heart skipped a beat as he seen a figure approaching, he tried to move but found himself stuck to the spot, fear and hope warring within.

Out of reach, out of touch, out of ink...out of kindness...

_I-I'm gonna break, gonna break._

"Pick me up. Take me home. Get me out of here. Please, L. _I'm letting go, it's scaring me. I'm gonna break._"

The words flowed from his lips, unnoticed. His breaking point nearing, he stood on the edge of this place, on yet another grey machine society building, on the brink in his own mind; all of his solace taken and now this haunting silhouette was nearing.

He _needed _it to be L, if it wasn't then this was _the end_ of Yagami Light.

Slowly the man approached, the sound of bells growing louder. Lightening no longer flashed, the figure approached blindly, seeming to simply know where to go...straight to Light. The younger keeping up his strange flow of almost unconscious confessions, the words needing to be acknowledged and spoken aloud.

"I could always see myself in you, reflected in your eyes. L, I was so blind, blinded by the lies. I'm sorry, _so sorry._"

The silhouette was coming closer, faster, the figure clearing up.

"L?" the confessing words finally starting to become voluntary, no longer simply tumbling out of Light's mouth. He groped forward, wanting to sit up and rush towards the man who was now coming up to him.

It was a strange sight to behold, the face of L; soaking wet from the tears and the pelting rain. This time it was a purifying feel, it was no longer cold and freezing the already cold innards of Yagami Light. This time the rain woke him up, refreshed him, cleansed his soul.

He reached forward, hands _needing _to meet flesh.

They collided, the rush of feeling, the warmth and the safety. The fucking bliss that was in each brush of contact. It was uplifting and amazing, Light held L like he _needed_ him to live, and maybe he did.

_He _knew _he did._

He was _oxygen_ in this world, he was _sanity and love _and _everything_ Light had always wanted but could never truly feel.

L pulled him back, grinning wildly at the sight of the fallen boy, now on the road to redemption.

"Light, you're _finally_ here...I've been waiting for you, for _so long._" The voice of L was music to Light's ears, the words reaching him over the storm. Light brought a hand up to stroke the cheek of L, his face warm despite the weather.

"I did what you said, L. I just wanted to get to you - and finally, _finally _I'm here._ I missed you_."

L licked his lips anxiously, his eyes darting towards Light's face, reading intently with those never-ending eyes of his. Light leaned in towards the detective, his other hand coming up to grip into his wet hair. He brought his face close to L's, his eyes watching for a reaction.

They stared into each others eyes, and Light found that the detectives eyes were not cold and hard like they had always seemed but were now bottomless black and yet brimming with emotion.

_How had he not seen that?_

L's eyes slowly shut, his head tipping up to meet Light's and their lips met in their second kiss.

And it was...

_Perfect._

* * *

Cor, it's been forever!

Apologies -a round for everyone, (on the house ;) ) Plus a side of extra _Flangst_!

Um, so this is the second last chapter... I know we are all excited, right? _RIGHT?! _

...cause I am! ^.^

_Cheers,  
_Zilander Kat

* * *

Dragonist: There ya go, I brought in L for you..and pshh, sorry Light's soul was so bloody tainted he needed to suffer for quite some time before he deserved a bit of one-on-one time with the lovely L. :P

Donatellolover: Hey, what did you think? Thanks for the kind review and sorry for taking forever! The next one will be up soon, it's all done and waiting!

AmoChan8878: haha, well I have the rest of the story done now...I just need to put it up, sorry bout that :P You know how it is.. real life just hates on you all over the place.. haha. *sets up the campfire for Light-Soulmores- :D ... awee, there's L for sir Light, I guess he deserves it :P...maybe.

xErised: lol


	6. Chapter 6: Moments I Want

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or Beauty's Confusion or Savage Garden (but I love them all!) I also do not make any money of any sort out of this fic.**_

I just couldn't make up my mind which song to use, but since the first will probably be a bit tricky to find, you can listen to either or. :)

_Thanks again to all of my reviewers!_

_**

* * *

**_

_**Chapter Six - Moments Like These/I Want You**_

-_Beauty's Confusion/Savage Garden_-

The warmth that Light had felt previously was nothing when compared to the heat that surged through his veins now. He could feel all of the hope he had found, all of the peace, the redemption, the _love_ that was all there-but _intensified_ until he felt like he could explode from the amount of feelings within.

He breathed in the detectives scent as he deepened their kiss, his tongue coming out of his mouth to taste the mouth that had kept him sane after all this time in nothingness.

L opened his mouth with a groan, and the sweetness of L's mouth was intoxicating. Light felt himself moaning into the kiss, the hand cupping the detectives face coming down to pull at L's waist. He wanted to be closer, needed to be nearer than this.

L brought his own hands up to wrap in Light's hair and shoulders, he pulled just as tightly as Light had.

He needed this too, the thought made Light giddy. _'He needs me just as much as I need him.' _The thought made the act so much more intimate, so much more meaningful and caused Light to kiss L harder, his teeth nipping at L's bruised lips.

_Moments like these, revealing their true selves, moments like these; seeing so clearly._

Light pulled away from L's lips, his kisses trailing down L's jaw line, down to his neck where he kissed at the flesh there. His tongue darted out to taste L's neck, the latter groaning at the feeling, Light bit at the skin, wanting to devour the detective here on the roof in the rain.

Minutes went by -hours, days?- the kissing and the passion building and crashing in waves, until L pulled back, making Light whine a little in the back of his throat. L smiled smugly, and Light chuckled darkly. _'Still a bastard, but now he's my bastard.' _He led Light back towards the door that would lead them inside. They went in and L handed Light a towel that had been hanging by the door. He took it and began to towel off L, neglecting his own wetness in favour of touching L more.

"Light, I didn't think-I didn't _know_ when I'd see you again." L sounded happy, his usual flat tone had notes of gladness infused into every word.

"I told you, I missed you, L. I wasn't lying,_ for once_ I was telling you the truth, telling _myself _the truth." They sat down on the stairs, L now towelling off Light as the younger continued to speak.

"I used to want to be alone. It was easier that way, to live my life on terms to call my own. But, I obviously went too far, and I didn't even realize what I had truly done until the day I lost you -the day that I..._killed you._" L stared up at Light, basking in the moment of honesty, complete and utter honesty that was never before seen in Light. L nodded his encouragement, and Light blushed at his own words.

"I-I didn't know how much it could hurt to miss someone that you cared about. I _tried _to forget you, to just run away from your memory, but you haunted me, you lived inside my dreams-_and I h-hated you for that_. But I wasn't even sure _why._ Not until you came to me on the day I died. I-I thought I would die all alone, die lying to everyone, lying to myself, about _everything._ But you changed that, and I don't even know why..._why_ would you do that for me? I don't deserve any of this, _or you._" Light hung his head in shame, his eyes prickling with more tears. His heart waited for L to stand up and take his leave, to walk away and leave the ex-God to his own demise.

But he didn't, instead he repeated his strange actions again. He picked up Light's right foot and began to massage it, the touching much more sensual now that Light had kissed the detective.

"Ryuzaki?" the name slipped off of Light's tongue without him noticing it, L looked up, startled.

"No, Light-kun. I believe it's been long enough, the use of my aliases seems pointless now. My name, my _true _name is L Lawliet." Light let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding in.

"_Lawliet._ L Lawliet." the name tasted strange and beautiful on his tongue, he was about to say the name again when he felt the detective dive for his lips again. Light fell back against the steps he had been laying upon, this kiss eerily like their first, when Light had been on the cusp of death. L bit Light's lip painfully, making him gasp and open his mouth, all thoughts of death gone.

L's tongue pushed into this mouth, exploring the hot cavern with intense passion. Light groaned, his hips moving against L's as he fought for dominance in the kiss. L pulled back, panting heavily, he leant forward and licked at Light's earlobe before whispering into his ear.

"I love it when you say my name, Light-kun." Light whispered back, his voice husky.

"Lawliet...I want you, Lawliet. I've died to find that out. I need you, Lawliet." the name sounded better each time Light said it, and it drove both of them onwards, pressing his hips harder into Light, L panting above him, _beautiful_.

L pulled back again after sometime and began to answer Light's questions.

"Light, you should know _why_ after all of this. I did this for you because of how I felt...you were my first _friend_ and my first-" the words died on his lips. Lawliet took a deep breath before continuing on.

"_I-I love you, Light. _I just couldn't let you disappear into nothingness, when I knew you could be so much _more._" Light watched the raven boy speak, his heart racing faster at those words.

His mind too shocked to allow for a response. He leaned towards L again, this time pressing a chaste and loving kiss to his soft lips. When he pulled back he felt his heart skip another beat as he prepared himself to say the words he had been realizing since his death.

"I love you too, L Lawliet."

The world seemed to stand still at his confession; this time though, it didn't feel like one made at his death but rather one made at his rebirth...

* * *

Oh Great Goddess, Lord & Lady! It is _over!_

Was that too much fluff for you? I needed lovey-dovey goodness..

...and, err - I have a bonus chapter, that I made in a moment of angsting-anger.

Hahah, but if you don't wanna leave this loveliness then just pretend this bonus chapter coming up doesn't exist, okie??

^_^

_Cheers,  
_Zilander Kat

**ps. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and more apologies for how long it took to finish, you guys have been great! Review if you liked it, or hated it...or just wanted to say hello :)**

* * *

im a molly doll: yeah, but Light deserved every minute of it :) haha

AmoChan8878: LOL, I'm sorry for making you into a ghost. For a minute there I thought about making L stay away for a bit longer, but then I would've destroyed Light's soul and a few readers souls as well...so I gave into my nicer side, :P mmm - smooreeess..

MattTheGamer: Oh Gawd, I hate that cone D: - do I get a gold sticker for updating again so soon? ^.^ I noticed that you updated too! I have to play catch up on your story, I was really enjoying it! Hope you liked the last chaper, Father... I have a bonus one coming up in the next few days! Then it's all done!!!!


	7. Bonus Chapter: Counting Bodies, Pet

_**Dedicated **to my lovely reviewers and to father, lol ;) thanks guys._

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, or A Perfect Circle (Pet/Counting Bodies like Sheep) I also do not make any money from this fic.**_

I suggest watching the Death Note amv "Counting Bodies" on youtube, it's sick.

Warning, it gets a teennssy, tinnnssy bit pervy. I mean, it's nothing hardcore, but I think I shall up the rating, just to be safe.

_Now rated M._

_Here's the bonus chapter!_

* * *

_**Pet/Counting Bodies Like Sheep**_

-_A Perfect Circle_-

L had taken Light up to the old bedroom they had once shared. There they had given into the passion that had been building up since they had found each other.

Slowly shedding clothes and grief, spilling secrets and sweat and semen.

They spent the night pleasuring each other; fucking, making love, giving in and trusting fully.

It was liberating, terrifying and pure.

It was also something neither had experienced in their time alive, and now they were finally finding love together after they had separately embraced death...Two halves joining together to become one in the afterlife.

Light groaning so passionately, L's little noises of pleasure as he moved into Light; filling him and pounding harder and harder before they were both lost in some other place, only to come back to their bodies, sticky, sated and sleepy.

L watched the boy sleeping next to him, his chest rising and falling softly.

His body laid out so perfectly, like he remembered from their time back on Earth. Now covered in patches of love bites and fingertip bruises marring the perfect flesh of his hips when L had pushed and pulled in and out a little too hard, but it had been perfection.

There was no trace of Kira left in the boy; the demon possessor had died when Light had. Except Light's soul had lived on and had been saved from the taint of Kira, although it had taken many years of struggle in Mu for Light to come to where he was today.

L had waited, longing and worried that Light wouldn't be able to make it through the torment of truly _feeling_. But he had; he had _trusted _in L, had found out his own feelings, tasted redemption, felt the wrath of his victims; those both innocent and guilty of crimes.

He had given away those newly found feelings; they'd been wrenched from his very being and then freely given...

It was strange how much Light had grown and L had been there, watching him,_ every step of the way_.

Yet, now L had to disturb the boy.

He had to upset his sweet ignorance, while all L wanted to do was protect him from the enemies and _demons_ of Light's past and future.

He didn't want to inform Light of what had become of the idea of Kira; the morph into a real-life boogeyman that hunted down criminals and innocents alike.

If he told Light that this monster was _back_, how could he possibly keep him safe from pain and harm?

It hurt L to think of Light having to watch the bodies pile up again, to hear of the victim list tolling higher and higher each day.

He didn't want to wake the boy and taint his ears with the rhythm of the war drums...not when they had finally begun to hear the bells in all their beautiful clarity.

He brought a hand up to lightly brush against Light's lips.

The touch made Light's breath came in a bit quickly, his head moving strangely, groggily. He blinked slowly and looked around the room, before his gaze finally fell upon L.

"I thought it had been a dream for a moment...I was so worried, Lawliet." L leaned down to capture Light's mouth in a morning kiss.

"Hush, Light-kun." L smirked and nipped at one of Light's fingers, making the other boy flush cutely.

"Are you sure you don't wanna go back to sleep, Light? Once you're up...I have some things I must discuss with you." Light nodded, his arm snaking around L's waist.

"I'm not going back to sleep, but we can talk and be comfortable too, right?" He nibbled lightly at L's ear, making the raven gasp and rub against Light, reawakening his entire body, heat beginning to pool low in his body. He bit back a groan and forced Light's hips to stop moving.

"I think if we're _too _comfortable then we'll do _much more _than talk." Light laughed huskily into L's ear before pulling back, pouting a little.

"Yeah, I guess you're right, but we have all of eternity for this, right?" L smiled sadly at the pleasant thought and the optimistic tone his lover used. He wished with all his being that this could be true, that they didn't have to go back and find the new Kira and stop him from completing Light's Vision; The New World Order.

'_The boogeyman is coming.'_ L shuddered at his own thought, and turned to face Light.

"You asked me before, _how _I was able to get you out of Mu. I-I was _told _to get you out of Mu. I had been watching you since the day I died, Light...and when you were about to die I was _told to go to you_, and to prepare you for your journey out of nothingness." L paused and looked down at his bare feet, which were poking out of the sheets at the end of the bed.

Light's stomach dropped as he watched L squirm with the words he was about to say. Before he could possibly speak, Light had grasped him and pushed him down onto the bed. He kissed him deeply, tongue pushing into his mouth, desperately clutching at hair and using teeth of nip and pull...wanting to just briefly indulge in the ignorance that was about to be shattered.

L pushed on Light gently after a long moment.

Light nodded his head, resolved and ready to hear L out.

L took a deep breath and looked into Light's auburn eyes; all traces of Kira-red truly gone.

"Light..._Kira _is back."

* * *

Wtf, right?

I almost smashed my face off my desk after rereading this chapter, haha. I was all happy and enjoying my soft lemony-hints and then WHAM! Ignorance shattered and I thought, okayy - sequel?

Nahh.

Maybe?

Eh?

Idk.

Anyway, thanks again to you all, who reviewed, who read and enjoyed. I really hope you didn't drown in all the sappy goodness, or OD on fluff, or sob too openly on Light's emo-binge...and I certainly hope I didn't make you wanna die when you read the end of this chapter, haha ;)

Until next time, kids.

_Cheers,  
_Zilander Kat

Ps. Think you could leave me a review, pretty, pretty please? I would love to become a better writer, so tell me what you think - even if you hated it! I welcome harsh critiques...and hugs...

* * *

AmoChan8878: Glad you enjoyed the ending, hope you liked the bonus chappy, even if its not so happy for my boys. ^_^

im a molly doll: uber cute, and uber hot ;) agrees!


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